Nothing profound - really!

You are ethereal, fluid and true.
With the daft wind you flutter away.
In the shining sun, you glitter and sway!
When it pours, darkness seems true.
I am not, if not for you!

It was a pleasant day. I cannot recall when it began. I do remember it did at some point. I opened my eyes and saw the moon lurking - big. I slept some more, tried to dream even and finally woke up to a sunny morning. I have come to realize that I am fairly empty but light. I probably have not much to say that has not been said. It may just be easier to remain silent and absorb for a while.

On a side note, I wonder if we are all here by design or is this chaos?? Who cares, it has been a good week and no profound thoughts have made way.

Buddha on a plane

Been flying, travelling and in transit for a while now. Took off early morning again to the cold land of Oslo. Watched the sun rise, saw the snow melt and just closed my eyes and stared at a blank. Few random thoughts came my way. Jotting them down.

Freedom

Strapped besides wings

Feels like a new flight to freedom

Where is it that I go? Who or what is it that I leave?

Is flying freedom? Or does it make me a captive to running away?

I can fly miles on end or stay put for years against the shores of an angry sea...

Freedom is when none of it matters

Freedom is when I am still in moving flights and transported when on the shore!

Silence

Can I be deaf to the noise around me?

Will I always need headphones to cut through it?

Will I need a song inside my soul to drift away?

Or will I truly be comfortable with silences?

Imagination

What I see with my eyes closed and mind open is inexplicably better than anything I have seen before.

Being

I am just a manifestation of my thoughts.

Love

Clear as ice, fluid like melting water, transient like vapour but without a state of nothing! Love eludes me!

Longing

I want you so bad! And yet I am willing to wait all my life in the hope that you will show up on your own. What if you are waiting too?? 

High-School Romances

There is something amazingly beautiful about high school love stories. They are so true, young, fresh and innocent. People are young, impressionable and mostly in-experienced and completely open to experiences. There are no older memories tarnishing the experience, there are no experiences dissuading you. There is only a high level of expectation, the joy of discovering the unknown and mostly an earnest hope that it will be magical.

The first kiss, the joys of watching, waiting, exchanging notes, buying cards, are all things one just never experiences again. The good thing about that age is that you actually change together and hence in those formative years, who you are with plays a very important role. You try to become the person the other appreciates, you try to like the music the other one listens to, you read similar books, and finally you paint pictures of the future and plan your life. Of course how life turns out years later, just makes you go back and wonder or smile. But the truth is those experiences never come back again. With each new relationship, you probably lose a part of yourself, you find new things about yourself and you swear you will not do what you did earlier ever again. However, this is life and we all change from being vulnerable and romantic to being practical and cynical at times. However, a lucky few probably end up with their high school love or still feel high-school like, despite years of trying. What is important is to hope that everyone experienced the magic and that hopefully the magic has had an effect on them that they are carrying for life!

She walked in and he just knew, 
Something was amiss and he felt something new.
He shared his anxiety not with her but his friend.
The one who delivered to her all messages he would send.


Soon they got talking, but he never let her know.
She walked in one day saying there was something she had to show :-)
She moved close and brushed her lips quickly against his cheek,
His heart skipped a beat and his knees went all weak!


They spent time together and stole glances in class.
They were a couple and stood out during morning mass!
They had sweet names for each other, they would call.
They composed poetry and that was not all.


Breaking-Making, Philosophy and rock!
Spending time waiting or staring into a clock!
One day without a warning or even a bolt,
Time had come when their love was about to jolt!


They had to move on and make choices new.
Leave things behind and they hadn't a clue!
We plan life, we dream, we wish we can hold tight.
But destiny and time often bring on a fight!


Boy meets girl and girl meets boy,
The story of many and a promise to joy
Some stories end with the same one at last!
Some stories just leave us with memories of a lovely past.

** Inspired whilst watching that 70's show. Apologies for poetry with rhymes - the kind I would have composed back in high school:-)

A still from the sunset

There is poetry when the sun sets.

There is poetry in watching a bird fly

When that sky in all its orange nets,

Seems like a painting for the passers by.

There is magic in the cold breeze

There is magic in that grass so green

Thoughts slip in like I am at ease

Love, expression never quite this keen!

No pen, no paper, to jot down the thought

No camera to capture the moment passing by

But I know who, I know what, I sought

In that romantic moment, right below a vast sky!

Sometimes, Dreams dont let you give

I have a picture in my mind,

The paint is still wet,

It is good I wish to stain it now

Since the colors haven’t set

I shall paint a white sky

I shall paint a blanket of snow

I shall paint a picture true

A picture that has an endless flow

I don’t wish to show it about

I don’t wish to put it on my wall

I just wish to have a painting

That you are not ashamed to call

All this while I painted a picture

Of a dream I wished to live

I forgot that sometimes

Dreams don’t let u give.

What am I doing?

Awake at 3.30 a.m
Watching the world slow down!
Does the being matter or the presence?
I wonder if it is life or its essence?

Should I have learnt to carve on stone?
Or make do with Sand?
Do I defy or accept fate
Is it the start or is it too late?


What am I doing!
Why am I? Will I know?
Who am I and do I amend?
Is this the start or is this really the end?

Wait...

There was a time when

I would wait for the clock to strike nine!
I would wait for my phone to ring.
I would wait to get out of a meeting
I would wait to get home and sing.
I would wait to check my mails
I would wait to watch the moon
I would wait to get a glimpse
I would wait to meet at noon!
I would wait to hear a voice
I would wait to put my life on hold
I would wait to catch a glimpse
I would wait and do nothing till I am told
I would wait to cook some dinner
I would wait to go some place nice
I would wait to reach the other end of town
I would wait to sheepishly entice

Today I do wait but not like I waited before
Today I do wait to want to wait some more!

Unusual Shadow!

Like a long unwinding snake, crawling across broken streets
Wading through the changing persona, that of splendor and then an emptiness
A black boxed extension of my universe, plays a song
Brings back a memory, a story, a desire!

I try to comprehend my own mind
I fail and give up wanting to just walk
I walk look, capture and click
I learn, I unlearn, I am drawn

In the background, I notice a face
Constantly hounding me with a smile
Following me, telling me, just being around
I think its my shadow and leave it to hound!

The sun sets just the way it rose
The moon creeps up shining in the sky
I see the face, still alive, wanting a peep!
At the hour when they say shadows go to sleep

I wonder what it is then?
Who is it I should have thought!
Instead I am lost writing an experience
The shadow was just my reason to not!


I know for most this is the most unusual form of poetry or prose, who cares I am glad I just expressed. After all my blog is my space, or so I think!

It was not so much, It was indeed

We were standing a few inches apart

The air between had calmed down a while ago

You turned around and asked something off me

And suddenly a storm burst out inside of me.

It wasn’t so much what you asked me to give

It was indeed that you did ask.

It wasn’t so much that nothing mattered to you

It was indeed about-  did it ever?

It wasn’t so much about how I was today

It was indeed about a past

It wasn’t so much about reality

It was indeed about faith

I have withdrawn – Broken, Stronger and Detached

You can talk, you can sing

You can ask, you can cling

But now I know the faith – will never come back

You have shattered  that for me and this time forever

Life you are a bitch sometimes!

Black Swan

There is something about the dark which is also perfect.

You unleash, you let go, you come to terms with your inner self.

There is something about black that makes the hue complete.

It stains, it covers, it tarnishes, daub it over and you erase the white!

I have in me passion that stems from ghosts of my own making.

I have in me desire waiting to unravel in a moment ripe in spite.

I have in me venom stemming from the marvels of the day.

I have in me a song unsung to shatter the noise inside my soul.

Take over and let me out of bounds;

Ignite me to burn into ash the dead inside me.

Let the beauty be raw and undesirable at show.

I promise I will stand all white waiting to live again!

Inspired by the movie Black Swan!

Anything I write about the movie will not do justice to what I felt when I saw the movie. Sheer genius comes live in the story, the telling and the performance. I know I will always watch this movie and go back to the dark looking for something, feeling like the dark sides of me are after all not an illusion. The movie kept me absorbed all through. The story has me thinking beyond my sleep, the performance was flawless, the direction and camera work simply perfect! I recommend you watch the movie. I know I will many a times again.

Of wanting and getting!

There is always some joy when things happen the way you expect them to. There is a bigger joy if what happens is what you really really wanted as opposed to knew and did not want.

Sometimes I wish I could capture some moments. Like when one gets a reply to an sms they anticipated, or when a child finds a gift from Santa when it wakes up on Christmas day. Don't most of us in our minds create a plan based on anticipation or reactions we hope for? And optimism prevails in most lives! However, with this imagination comes disappointment too. But is it really possible to not expect or have any pre-conceived notions of our lives?

I am at a strange juncture of my life, where I want or desire things I cannot have, where I have given up on big things and look forward to very small things. Yet, I have not mastered the art of non-anticipation. I realized for all the science that I read, I am a believer in a larger power, I am believer of circumstance, destiny and magical connections. I have been disproved several times and yet I believe this is what adds to the charm of my life. I used to believe in what someone once taught me - If you really want something you will get it. If not you never wanted it enough. Maybe I have forgotten the art of wanting or maybe I need to get scientific again. Whatever it is, there is a lesson that needs to be learnt and I am stubborn about not wanting to learn it.

There is poetry I sent out to you.
There is a silence still, that I left out there!
There is a fragrance left to remind you.
There might even be chatter everywhere!

There is a glance that stemmed from my emotion;
There is a thought woven in that mist.
There is the said and the unsaid story!
There is a dash of lemon in that twist.

I look and find what I want so bad.
Though I mostly see it with closed eyes!
Sometimes I know I will never find,
What I was looking for in the dark night skies!

Ode to my drums!

Today was an intense day. Somehow, I had only one thing that was constant - Music. I got to listen to 10 hours of play time almost. Listened to Classical, Jazz, Ghazals mostly.  I got back tired and yet when I sat on my drums, I just felt alive and in another world. I mixed modes in the most bizzare ways, but I know there was some magic. For my wrists felt so lose and yet in control. My feet effortlessly joined along. It felt amazing and effortless today. After long!
 
My fingers just begin to sway...
Kathy's waltz was it?
Keys high and sometimes away
Faiz's poetry strung it?

I sat and felt compelled to beat
Swing on rocky torrents and rain!
Bongos tried to jazzy feats!
Malhars mixed with modern disdain!

Maybe its my angst at times,
Maybe its how I really feel
Maybe its peace that did chime
Maybe its its what makes me real!

You stand there I know like a rock, beaten and yet so musical!
You stand there like you silently know, what I never said but played on you!

Archives

Cleaning up a computer disk these days is almost like cleaning up closets during my childhood. One always found lost money, treasure, notes, gifts, collections and for a brief moment one was taken back in time. I realized I write a lot, I just don't post enough. I think the best way to tame my mind is to get it to write. So on my disk I found fragments of my life all scattered in text files. Just picking up a few and posting them here. Hope you are all having a lovely year. I need to get back and write to the real world I know!

Connections

Are my words making any sense?

Do you just sit back read and smirk?

Or cast that look like you knew it all

Or do you just wonder if u can live with this for now?

Or maybe you just want to close doors,You just may not know how and when

Or maybe this is a nice muse that gets u past your day

or is there something else I cant see and you cant see

Not right now and maybe we will together?

Tanhaai

Raat ki chaadar odhe hue. Tanhai ki jhalak dikhaai di.

Kkarvat badlee tho tumhaari saans chu si gayee...

Aur tanhaal ki numaishi dekh chand chip sa gaya!

Izaazat

Izaazat chahti hun khud se sumjhaata karne ki.

khud se dosti karne ki.

waqt ke saath aur umeedon se pare chalne ki.

shaayad talaash ko khatm karne ki.

Yun toh saath rahungee sada, 

Is talaash mai banti hui paaoon kabhee tho us pal ki izaazat chahtee hun.

Anjaane mai khamosh ho kuch bolun jo tum sunna na chaho...tho us gustaakh ki izaazat chahti hun.

Is izazat maangne ki khata karne ki izazat chahti hun..

Found two poems from the movie Udaan which I loved:

Udaan

Jo lehron se aage nazar dekh paati toh tum jaan lete main kya sochta hoon,

Wo aawaz tumko bhi jo bhed jaati toh tum jaan lete main kya sochta hoon.

Zid ka tumhare jo parda sarakta toh khidkiyon se aage bhi tum dekh paate,

Aankhon se aadaton ki jo palken hatate toh tum jaan lete main kya sochta hoon.

Meri tarah khud par hota zara bharosa toh kuchh door tum bhi saath-saath aate,

Rang meri aankhon ka baant-te zara sa toh kuchh door tum bhi saath-saath aate,

Nasha aasmaan ka jo choomta tumhe bhi, hasraten tumhari naya janm paatin,

Khud doosre janam mein meri udaan chhoone kuchh door tum bhi saath-saath aate.

Joote

Chhoti-chhoti chhitrayi yaadein

Bichhi hui hain lamhon ki lawn par

Nange pair unpar chalte-chalte

Itni door chale aaye

Ki ab bhool gaye hain ki

Joote kahan utaare the.

Aedi komal thi, jab aaye the.

Thodi si naazuk hai abhi bhi.

Aur nazuk hi rahegi

In khatti-meethi yaadon ki shararat

Jab tak inhe gudgudati rahe.

Sach, bhool gaye hain

Ki joote kahan utaare the.

Par lagta hai,

Ab unki zaroorat nahin.

Thats it from the treasure of archives for now.

And then it dawned!

I looked at those sinful eyes!
I knew it was not them but me that wanted to be led.
There is a charm in seeing you tease.
Just as there is beauty in how you can lose yourself
I have never seen anyone be "one" as you did with your love
That moment made me empty and complete
It was that moment that hit me!
Alluding to what possibilities exist
I knew then, what I was missing all this while!

Of longing and life!

Longing they say rouses desire
Owning the art of possession.
Dreaming creates realities you long for.
Knowing always leads to doubt!

It is not enough to long or own
Dream or know!
It is "dealing with" that after all defines
One life from another.

I guess I ramble on with each day. Something that struck my mind today is a quote I read:

Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.
-- Benjamin Franklin

Dark Temptations

Chocolates they say are best dark!
Sometimes minty!
Wrapped like temptation,
Waiting to lure...

There you are sitting at the cafe
Reading a book, texting, sipping on coffee
Wondering? Maybe about why iguanas are they way they are!
Or contemplating how the next hour would go past.

The dark temptation catches your eye
Wondering if it would pine and lie covered.
Or will it today unwrap and melt to be one with you!
You look, wink, reach out and seem distracted and text again!

The feeling of being held is amazing
The wait daunting.
Pressed to reply, you put it down.
Slowly you start to unwrap the indulgence.

You nibble, savor, continue to seek the music
It takes a moment to revel the taste
It takes a moment for it to begin to melt
You read, look at your phone and just continue to wonder

Over many such wraps and unwraps, you get to the last bite
The delight knows not, how many expressions you displayed!
The last of it is left wondering..."Did you love it?
Now that I am one with you, I wonder....

Would you be tempted if it was just me?
Or would it take a book, the cafe, the music,
the romance, the texts, the iguanas
To all come together and get me to melt in you?"

Oh well temptation will never know and the tempted will savor the chocolate as dark as it may seem!

My random mind!

For the first time I wonder,
For the first time I care!
For the first time it matters,
For the fist time I wish or not to dare!

Will the picture emerge like that dream?
Will the eyes really be lost and willing to sink?
Will I get a chance, will I give myself?
Will I get back that retort to my wink?

I have become a moon watcher again
I have become a poet so random too
I have stopped looking for anything else around
I have become a stalker true!

Beyond and against what is right
Beyond and against what I am lead to be
Beyond and against not going down the road
Beyond and against what the world wants me to see!

A Mind Game

Click, scroll, ping, poke (aaha!)
Hug, kiss, text, ring (:x)
Fleeting glance, whisking touch (...)
Poetry, jokes, songs (blah!)
Sensual dance, cryptic clues (hmm..)
Alcohol, sedation, burnt finger (ouch!)
Numb feet, Hair or Fair (?)
Mind Games afterall live on..Much beyond we do!

Stillness and change

White like a drop of dew on grass, seeming like a satin cloth.
That just let itself drift away in the wind
You might lie there for sand to blanket you
Or just drift again into newer shores
Whichever ways something will change..
Could be the whiteness, or the shape.
The fragrance or the feel
Or if nothing really, the stillness in changing times

Imagination

I hit on search with an empty string
wishing fate just throws something at me
anything, a line a whine or a song

I land an interesting picture
that of a placid lake, a snow clad mountain
a complacent face, a cup with brewing tea

I figured its not a picture
but my imagination afterall