Of words and life

Humans are so complicated.

People constantly struggle and find a purpose to life. Some create this animated life for themselves, full of exaggeration. Some underplay it so much that you wonder if they are already dead. No matter which ways they try and get past, they always have friends, foes, family and loneliness. Love? Well it is inexplicably the reason for existence. Life can be simple, desire screws it up. I don't know which pattern defines me but I think if i could master the art of realizing that I have nothing to lose, I will win!Only to find win is not the soul I amlooking for.

Someone asked me what is love....and for the first time in my life I could not describe it. It was disturbing since I have spent pages all my life writing about it, endless hours talking about it and most of my life feeling it. Something has changed and I have realized I was betting my life on the wrong word all this while. The secret my friend, is not to bet on a word but chase all those words that after all are words too. My vocabulary of words and people has always been limited. Life is a cynic and me an optimist. I move into the night really wanting something, hopelessly knowing it will never come by. I already dislike this post and yet lazy I am, to delete it after all. Its just easy to click on "post"!

square frames

Whats with square frames that open out into the wilderness? I am sitting gazing at the sky feeling like I just discovered something. Smirking and talking to myself. Figured that life is after all a chase. Its always about making a choice and taking a stand. Not taking one is again a stand and choosing not to choose is a choice too. I wonder what makes me tick each day, though I know there is nothing I look forward to, I know I have to make a choice. I believe i have become lower and slower. I am happy, I met interesting glimpses from the past. I also think I am beginning to love the dance with my two left feet which just might be right! I connect, and suddenly I know what is it that I am trying to seek through this square frame.

Strangely, I can only want and desire and then its destiny. Being the number 8, I believe karma is what drives my life and no matter how much I desire, it will decide. I focus hard! still wishing that wanting will fetch:-) However, I do know ....and suddenly the wind gushes in and here I am prepared today, to after all see a shooting star!

Cryptic is it?

Been solving cryptic crosswords and lost in the tangles of words I see my own life. A picture emerges when I look at black and white and it isn't Grey! When one picks the newspaper, one is tempted to take the easy and I guess I just chose the cryptic one. Crosswords, cross roads, jogs, smiles, company and solitude coupled with music and silence are all flashes of my day. Its so easy to be true to a moment and lost for life. Like when I was listening to a song on my ipod, lines flashed by which sounded so innocent and true and yet, I know it was my interpretation and moment which defined what I felt and maybe lost the essence of the singer.

I type, I hit the backspace! I remember, I erase! I take two steps forward and 3 backwards. I create and I destroy! I wish to learn the guitar and undo my drums. Wish it was that easy and we had either a head or a heart to deal with. Finding a balance has been my most in-adept skill. Finding extremes my vice! I guess saying so much and yet not saying anything is what my life is all about right now. I wish to find the black in the grey or atleast the white. And then maybe tomorrow I will after all, pick the easy one.

Walk and the talk! Or the beat actually?

Seems like a normal life. Get back home on time. I actually take some time out for myself and also walk 5 kms everyday. I am not sure how long this will last but I guess I am enjoying it nevertheless. Downloaded 24 and back to watching something at least. A make shift till I get my TV. Also begun on my musical journey. Started with a tabla and will hopefully equip myself with my keyboard and electronic drums. Neighbours need to watch out, but heck when have they ever stopped anyone.

Completely changed the course of my day and I guess I am the one to blame. Listening to songs from my past and also attempting to forget a few. Got myself a few plants too. They keep me busy and talking:-)

Running is fun, especially in the rain. Its just amazing to watch the trees grow so slowly. And paths look so long and so short depending on how you see it. Living a relatively free day isnt that bad either. It hopefully does me some good and others too. I guess I am rather sleepy for now and will sign off with the hope that this running/walking regime lasts, my plants grow into lovely trees and that I do buy those drums afterall.

Good night!