About addictions and giving up

I always believed I was born to be the Buddha!:-) Then reality hits me that I am just as human as the 'Hungry Buddha' is for food, or the 'Worldly Buddha' is for material needs. We all as human beings 'need' and constantly fill our lives with shallow but yet relishing fillers such as chocolates, ice creams, relationships, chatter and what not. Some of us come with an additional dimension called determination which can work either in keeping away or leading to 'addiction'.

I admit there are things I wish I could give up but have failed to.
There are people I wish to forget,
There are habits I wish to discard,
There are words I wish to delete from my vocabulary,
There are thoughts I wish that never come by,
However try as much as I do, the mind always attracts the very thoughts and things we are trying to evade.

Hence here I am yet again, determined that tomorrow will be a new day and I renounce! I do know already however that I might have this same conversation, yet again with 'You' my blog tomorrow. Afterall life is about addictions and giving up!

PS: I love chocolates, I enjoy conversations, I crave friends, I am a firm believer of love!

It was not so much, It was indeed

We were standing a few inches apart

The air between had calmed down a while ago

You turned around and asked something off me

And suddenly a storm burst out inside of me.

It wasn’t so much what you asked me to give

It was indeed that you did ask.

It wasn’t so much that nothing mattered to you

It was indeed about-  did it ever?

It wasn’t so much about how I was today

It was indeed about a past

It wasn’t so much about reality

It was indeed about faith

I have withdrawn – Broken, Stronger and Detached

You can talk, you can sing

You can ask, you can cling

But now I know the faith – will never come back

You have shattered  that for me and this time forever

Life you are a bitch sometimes!

Why I should not watch a bollywood movie, and why I should make one!

Spent the weekend watching a few movies. Ranging from 'How Cliche' to 'Argh completely crappy' and 'Seriously??!!?' my expressions just kept getting better through the evening.  However it also made me wonder why on earth was I not making movies!!! An inner voice then said  - 'Possibly because you want to tell a story!'


For beginners, Mere Brother Ki Dulhan - I mean completely predictable pointless movie. A movie that proved yet again that people will go watch Katrina because she looks good and that Imran Khan despite his various attempts at diversity is highly cliched! His lineage is not helping him anymore. The story was predictable(I mean the title says it all), the acting terrible and the music was just overwhelming excessive! A song played every few minutes and I tossed back into literally counting all sins committed in the recent past! The clothes!! OMG, why could Imran Khan not get over checks? I mean he looked like he wore the same thing throughout the movie.

Dabang?? -  A movie that has confirmed that Indian masses worship heroes (literally) and movies are not about acting or a story anymore. They are about watching hero figures perform and in return we the audience call it talent shove undulated reverence to these legendary heroes! I mean I do love mindless movies but not any piece of crap that people want to pass off. Usually with a tag that says -  'Oh well the Indian audience has so many issues, blah blah blah and they want to get away from home and leave their brains behind'. Brains I agree but sensibilities?? - Sorry!! Slapstick comedy, exaggerated dialogue based movies can be made but the director and actors need to work hard atleast to prove their worth in showing some creativity in this genre. We cannot have Salman not even attempting to sound like a UP police walah because he has a 6 pack to expose.

I pondered a bit more and concluded that 'we the Indians', 'the masses' have reverence for mindlessness. Average Indians are not drawn to art or sophistication because they have no idea how to appreciate the same. Their lives are surrounded with poverty and struggle but mostly not from an economic stand point but also a cultural stand point. Hence any evolution in terms of intelligent art is a far cry today. These movies will hence continue to make money and continue to deteriorate and take the average Indian audience away from abstract intellectual meaningful art. Heros like Salman, SRK will continue to rule because they have made their homes in these minds - Mind you not via great cinema but great salesman ship of their image and star status. It baffles me when I watch a few of these people in various interviews. Its amazing how intelligent some of these people really are and its amazing how revenues in movies have nothing to do with the movie. Instead today it has only boiled down to which star can attract the masses to the theater. The sad part is we will all continue to live in this mode unless someone has the courage to break through and stop producing mass masala with one of these stars who also has the courage to risk his/her TRP by trying out a real movie for a change.

Is there a crowd out there willing to watch something more realistic and interesting? Or will we continue to admire sub-standard ways of showcasing a story? Indian producers, directors and actors are completely capable of making a sensible, full of unreal moments, filled with music, but well made movie. But it seems like the focus has changed from truly good movie making to making money, creating a business model that works on the grounds of laziness and mass appeal. India has been the land where brilliant poets, lovely forms of music and dance thrived in everyones hearts centuries ago. Today we are sadly partitioned between a section of youth who has a thirst for sophistication and a mass that is all ready to embrace stardom for iconic value. And almost no significant individuals who seek art for its glory. I always had a story to tell,  infact several stories to tell. However today there is  very little hope that there will be anyone who will want to listen. I wonder if it will be possible in this life time that Indian Masses take a hard look at themselves and learn from their past about how we are culturally deteriorating as a nation? Or am I just being a pretentious b**tch??

Excessive mind

Have you ever felt like there is just so much you are experiencing and somehow in that moment you do want to capture and share those experiences, but you are troubled with the starting point?

I am stuck today at that exact point, where I know the last few weeks/months have been varied experiences and yet time is ticking by and I don't know where I should begin.

Recent Highlights and days to come!

• Germany - 5 cities (3days Tour)
• Stockholm - a 10 hour airport/flight experience
• Feel like a Londoner now - Got myself a Cineworld pass and watched some crappy movies just to make it worth it.
• Waiting for parents to arrive!
• Discovered some amazing music
• Watched all of 'Big Bang Theory'
• Catching up with 'How I met my mother'
• Missing home!:-(
• Missing A, S, T!
• Looking forward to life in Manchester for a bit
• Feel like I have lost control again and this time I am not even pondering about it.
• Started to cook a whole lot!
• Reading a lot of 'Quantum Physics' again.
• Back to twitter again!

Listening to

'All that you touch
and all that you see
All that you taste
All you feel.
and all that you love
and all that you hate
All you distrust
All you save.
and all that you give
and all that you deal
and all that you buy,
beg, borrow or steal.
and all you create
and all you destroy
and all that you do
and all that you say.
and all that you eat
And everyone you meet
and all that you slight
And everyone you fight.
and all that is now
and all that is gone
and all that's to come
and everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon. '

So true, life is after all the dark side of the moon!