Involuntary Hiatus

Back after a break with nothing besides the paltry details of social interactions, Musical Realizations, True breaks a fortnight spent with the viruses of sorts to talk about.

Life in London continues to be good, socially hectic and artistically liberating. Decided to drop off 6 inches of hair today just for no good reason. Shopped in between. But most importantly made friends with my tabla all over again. Its interesting how restarting from scratch in some relationships can be a richer and more complete experience of sorts.

I have started to like patterns and algorithms which help me understand the rhythm! Playing with words is a new found pass time. 'Letting Go' is a new art I have learned. So lots has happened in this involuntary hiatus. I was not away doing just nothing!

I exist

If you are pre-occupied with life and death then you aren't ready for heaven. 

--Anonymous


Well well I am not sure what I am pre-occupied and busy with. But work is a good excuse, thoughts not so much!! I am assured the quality of my life needs to get better, I am just struggling with the fixes!  So much has happened and yet nothing significant to recount. I strive to keep up with a few updates. Assuming someone will some day be interested in this all. 


Amidst the busy days I yet find time to dream!! My life is heaven!  
-- Me

Nothing profound - really!

You are ethereal, fluid and true.
With the daft wind you flutter away.
In the shining sun, you glitter and sway!
When it pours, darkness seems true.
I am not, if not for you!

It was a pleasant day. I cannot recall when it began. I do remember it did at some point. I opened my eyes and saw the moon lurking - big. I slept some more, tried to dream even and finally woke up to a sunny morning. I have come to realize that I am fairly empty but light. I probably have not much to say that has not been said. It may just be easier to remain silent and absorb for a while.

On a side note, I wonder if we are all here by design or is this chaos?? Who cares, it has been a good week and no profound thoughts have made way.

London - Without a camera

Be it on the pretext of having friends around or just because the weather has been warm - I have ended up discovering a few things about London. Unfortunately, I have not carried a camera to click some of the most beautiful moments!

British Museum - A place one can spend days in. Walk down any tube station and you will be surrounded by a picture. I was almost seeing this image in my dream. Love the photograph. Trying to discover the photographer of the same.

However, the best part of the British museum (the only part I had time to explore) - was the theme of Living and Dying. This was a room describing experiences of suffering in everyones life and how as humans we find the innate ability to fight suffering and live. What I loved about this was the true stories and the realism that exists. I was surprised to find a piece of art by women in Gujrat who had embroidered on raw silk images about AIDS awareness. Pictures that depicted how it spreads, what people should avoid and really cute pictures of condoms being distributed in the mix.  There was also a master piece of a sheet that spread a few meters which had 14,000 medicines weaved into it (apparently the number of medicines an average Britisher would consume through the cycle of life). It then had small stories for each phase of life and real artefacts beneath like a masked story. Beautifully done.
On a side note, I was not that impressed by the Olympic medals which were displayed for the upcoming olympics:-d

Barclays Cycle Hire: Been wanting to use the Barclays cycle hire more. However ended up usually taking it for a casual ride to Regents park mostly. This time tried to pick it up and ride to Greenwich (17 miles ride). The scheme seems to be expensive at the outset especially if using for more than a few hours. Cycles are not maintained all that well. Its your best bet if you want to occasionally use it to get from point A to B. However if you do cycle extensively,  I would recommend buying a bicycle.
Cycling on a lovely sunny day: However the experience of cycling on a lovely sunny day was awesome. Riding through the lanes of London made me realize how much this city has to offer in every corner. The Savoy, Shaftesbury Avenue, Eataries along Noel Street and the Somerset house are places I will go back to. Makes me wonder - what is it about us humans that makes us so curious about stories of the past? Context probably is what makes everything worth it. Be it a piece of music, a piece of art or a ruin in the middle of the city. Loved Cutty Sark and would certainly want to go back for the thames riverside walk all the way down to the London Eye. I want to climb up the 316 steps of the monument and get the best view of London and go down to the Pudding Lane which was the origin of the fire in 1666! Just so much to take in and discover!

More next time with pictures hopefully.

Hope you are all having a lovely time exploring the stories around your places.

Strange Balances

It was just another day. They all woke up to get on with the mundane. He did not stop to notice how beautiful the locks of her hair looked when sunshine cast a spell. She started to straighten things back into years of togetherness shared in a home. Time ticked on, they shared their lives – a bed, a home, their meals sometimes. Years of their marriage were cast as trophies around the house in the form of collectibles.  It was hard to imagine where all of it began. The background music of a distant bark or cheer on the television broke the balance intermittently. There she was getting on dutifully – cooking, cleaning and being a good wife. He was aware of her existence and she was too. The door bell rang – cutting through the silence and there was a stranger who knocked at the wrong house. Their eyes met, they shared a glance. There she was struggling to carry a heavy piece of baggage while cleaning the room. The stranger walked up, held it for her while she continued to clean. They looked again, smiled and the stranger left. He continued to read the paper while she looked at the mirror, fixed her hair and smiled. The stranger left holding onto a fragrance and carrying the picture of a beautiful face which was etched forever in the heart. 

Life goes on and we all find our balances, its just a question of which balance do we settle for- Two empty scales or two full ones or perhaps something in between.

Buddha on a plane

Been flying, travelling and in transit for a while now. Took off early morning again to the cold land of Oslo. Watched the sun rise, saw the snow melt and just closed my eyes and stared at a blank. Few random thoughts came my way. Jotting them down.

Freedom

Strapped besides wings

Feels like a new flight to freedom

Where is it that I go? Who or what is it that I leave?

Is flying freedom? Or does it make me a captive to running away?

I can fly miles on end or stay put for years against the shores of an angry sea...

Freedom is when none of it matters

Freedom is when I am still in moving flights and transported when on the shore!

Silence

Can I be deaf to the noise around me?

Will I always need headphones to cut through it?

Will I need a song inside my soul to drift away?

Or will I truly be comfortable with silences?

Imagination

What I see with my eyes closed and mind open is inexplicably better than anything I have seen before.

Being

I am just a manifestation of my thoughts.

Love

Clear as ice, fluid like melting water, transient like vapour but without a state of nothing! Love eludes me!

Longing

I want you so bad! And yet I am willing to wait all my life in the hope that you will show up on your own. What if you are waiting too?? 

Fireplaces and a sauntering mind

Quotes that randomly crept when the fireplace was lit and the mind was let loose

• I don't lie, I just tell people what ought to be the truth!
• Houses with large mirrors are good for the ego! #Godblessmylandlady
• Fall fall till you succeed! #Iceskating #Lessonsinlife
• Need to stay away from #chocolate! Without resolution;-)
• Drumming was the only thing I was ever good at - John Bonham! I think I would re-phrase it as ' Drumming is the only thing that makes me alive!' #Realization
• My rant in a diary could be torn! I could say sorry and ask my friends to forgive me and hope that it is forgotten in time. I can't delete e-mails I have sent or remarks I have made or delete traces of data I have left in the internet space! #Realization
• Bump on my head- Attempt to clean the house oblivious to objects that are dangerous by their sheer presence in 'Meetas' house! #Selfrealization
• I know!! The only thing that keeps me awake at night or ticking in the day is that - 'I don't know!!' #SelfRealilzation
• Watching the leaves fight against the wind and finally give up! #Autumn

Hannah and her sisters

"For all my education, accomplishments and so-called wisdom, I can't fathom my own heart. "

Spent the afternoon watching a lovely Woody Allen movie and was struck by how ordinary and yet brilliant the movie was. There is something about Woody Allen that just makes life seem worth it despite the ordinary. This is a story about 3 sisters - One perfect, One recluse and the 3rd trying to re-affirm her faith in herself.

Every character is random just like Woodey Allen likes them to be. Each with their quirks. The movie shows how expectations make imperfect people look perfect. How each of us just tries to play a role and keep the balance going. How, changing the balance and equations can cause chaos and while the mind craves change, the chaos is not something we all can really deal with. Be it in the form of the 'tumor' that never was in Mickeys life, or a fling between Hannahs sister and husband the balance of Hannah and her sisters life is broken. We often carry a lot of bottled emotions, pressures in us and one fine day the balance just tips. However, we all vent and finally want to go back to a state of balance. I guess the theory of relativity does truly guide our lives.

Look around - We all have role models and ideal people who are not really what they seem but have been subjected to play that role just because that is how the evolved. We find people chasing a dream and forgetting the essence of life and life can just pass you by. What you never wanted might just be what you were always looking for.

Hannah and her sisters just left me with an urge as was quoted:


"And you're gonna believe in Jesus Christ? 
I know - sounds funny. But, I'm gonna give it a try. "

I am determined to find a faith - maybe a new Woodey Allen movie!

Bookmarks

Often when reading a book, we want to pause, sip on coffee or just ponder. Bookmarks were probably invented with a reason. I watch a movie. Then the intermission comes in drawing the part to a logical conclusion. Life is full of such pauses too. Important days - Birthdays, New Years, Anniversaries are all about pausing, breaking our life into parts. I guess these days just don't do it for me. Hence, I am off on a self imposed pause. Call it a vacation, a trip home or just a way to break away from a non-routine to find a way to come back to one.

I know the weeks ahead are full of a lot of pauses, bookmarks and events. Marriages/Birthdays and just re-unions or wasteful days. I have not yet unwound myself in its anticipation. I guess I will just go with the flow and see if I will get back to the book or pick it up years later to find I had left a book mark some time long ago and then flip back a few pages to start again.

Ordinary

I am ordinary...

I want to snuggle in bed when the clock strikes 9. Caffeine brings a rush in my brain that fights sleep for a few more inevitable hours. Music liberates my mind. I converse with several ordinary individuals believing I am leading an extra ordinary life. I connect and yet feel detached. I clean when I have nothing else to do and vent rage via excessive physical exhaustion. I dream of romance, I live reality with a smile. I am homeless. I am my own god - I create and I destroy. I water plants- sometimes in excess or sometimes too scarce. I starve in absolution, I run to re-affirm gravity exists. I write e-mails with typos and I read books to live  stories. I watch movies and cry, I often love the warmth just as much as I am oblivious to the cold. I worship creativity - caricature, musical, strange manifestations of an inner energy of the soul.


Yes I am ordinary, as ordinary as I can be...

Fear of existence and then not

Fears and apprehensions are just inexplicable. We hate not knowing and yet a known eventuality is worse. I have often battled my fears and sometimes just resigned. I woke up today in the dark. Scared, frantically searching for the sun or even the sign of some moon light. I was displaced in time and reality.

I know you will be gone some day
I know I will be too!
Would knowing when or how help?
I wanted to tell you, it isn't ignorance I fear
But truly knowing that I find hard dealing with.
You knew my moon and you know my sun too
It is amazing that you left behind yourself.
The dark side of the sun and the dark side of the moon

It will all come to an end with an epitaph reading - "I knew and yet I did not find the time to write it up! I just never wanted to!"