Bound to run, oh freewill

Am I living in an illusion or does life just teach us new realities everyday ? I always thought we could get by life with a few constructs binding us. "bind" the very word that defies freedom. However the minute we wrap our lives with interactions, people, relationships, somewhere we just throw the freewill outside the window. I have known that predicting, knowing, wanting, desire are all strong characteristics that define an individual but also takes away that freewill somewhere.

And yet I am unable to figure where I stand, closer to freewill or to people? Or do I border around schizophrenia that I fight everyday? I guess it is ok to sometimes lose yourself to freedom just as amazing it is to bind to love. However each moment is by itself bound to destiny....and it is destiny that eventually I am sinking into or running from.

Look, a thousand tangled paths in that sea!

I hated walking as a child. Gimme some wheels and I would be most happy. My parents got to believe they have given birth to the worlds laziest child who graduated from parents arms straight to prams, bicycles, bikes, scooters, scooties and then to a car! However, I have realized that what I loved the most was really to discover. To find trails, paths that seemed less treaded but were heading somewhere. To look for treasures, secrets, meaning and reflections of some story in natures puzzle that was scattered all over.

I remember the one time I discovered a well, with a broken wall, in the middle of acres of arid land. I looked inside and saw a snake and thought that the snake was guarding it all these years. I once hit upon at least 20 identical 4 walled stone houses completely haunted a few miles beyond humanity. I hid there all day waiting for the smugglers to show up.

I feel a quaint rush of happiness, almost every time I spot a tree, a bird a church , a pond or just some beauty that nature has created somewhere. I believe every road is connected to every other.We just need to traverse the possibilities. After years, of driving I got myself a bicycle and found myself drawn again to exploring newer trails. Only this time I believe I had a clouded mind and polluted roads to break away from with my iPod. Nothing else had changed, if we really look there are small hidden nooks all around hiding something our mind otherwise misses to notice. I have traversed the same path several times and yet found myself discovering something new every single time. I don't know if life really has a purpose or if exploring is a means or an end. However, I do believe that Bangalore is a lovely city, step out and explore a little bit and you will find remnants of Goa, Rajashthan, The Grand Canyons and Europe in it. I have found a key, I will I guess look for the lock someday. Until then

"Cycle par sawaar, fiza mai mashgool, sunna hai us shor ko.
Jo chupke se kanon ma garaj ke, kuch dikha jaata hai mere aks ko..."

Capture my mind, Can I?

Some random thoughts running right now.

• Just because so many paths exist, do we have to find em?
• Is stillness really this boring?
• Is history really about the past or just discovering something old and finding your own story in it?
• Is a memory more real or the moment? I believe I have memories of moments that never existed.
• Music and silence are both so beautiful. I wonder when I shall find my peace with noise?
• I believe I talk more now, however to myself and I have learnt to be content with it.
• I believe a movie is as good as the audience. I seem to delve in to each scene not looking at the story but at the piece of work for that moment and if that strikes me, I think the shot was worth it.
• Is home a collection of rooms or a collection of my routine?
• Will I be able to break away my monotony of thoughts and transcend them into blogs!?