Fireplaces and a sauntering mind

Quotes that randomly crept when the fireplace was lit and the mind was let loose

• I don't lie, I just tell people what ought to be the truth!
• Houses with large mirrors are good for the ego! #Godblessmylandlady
• Fall fall till you succeed! #Iceskating #Lessonsinlife
• Need to stay away from #chocolate! Without resolution;-)
• Drumming was the only thing I was ever good at - John Bonham! I think I would re-phrase it as ' Drumming is the only thing that makes me alive!' #Realization
• My rant in a diary could be torn! I could say sorry and ask my friends to forgive me and hope that it is forgotten in time. I can't delete e-mails I have sent or remarks I have made or delete traces of data I have left in the internet space! #Realization
• Bump on my head- Attempt to clean the house oblivious to objects that are dangerous by their sheer presence in 'Meetas' house! #Selfrealization
• I know!! The only thing that keeps me awake at night or ticking in the day is that - 'I don't know!!' #SelfRealilzation
• Watching the leaves fight against the wind and finally give up! #Autumn

Hannah and her sisters

"For all my education, accomplishments and so-called wisdom, I can't fathom my own heart. "

Spent the afternoon watching a lovely Woody Allen movie and was struck by how ordinary and yet brilliant the movie was. There is something about Woody Allen that just makes life seem worth it despite the ordinary. This is a story about 3 sisters - One perfect, One recluse and the 3rd trying to re-affirm her faith in herself.

Every character is random just like Woodey Allen likes them to be. Each with their quirks. The movie shows how expectations make imperfect people look perfect. How each of us just tries to play a role and keep the balance going. How, changing the balance and equations can cause chaos and while the mind craves change, the chaos is not something we all can really deal with. Be it in the form of the 'tumor' that never was in Mickeys life, or a fling between Hannahs sister and husband the balance of Hannah and her sisters life is broken. We often carry a lot of bottled emotions, pressures in us and one fine day the balance just tips. However, we all vent and finally want to go back to a state of balance. I guess the theory of relativity does truly guide our lives.

Look around - We all have role models and ideal people who are not really what they seem but have been subjected to play that role just because that is how the evolved. We find people chasing a dream and forgetting the essence of life and life can just pass you by. What you never wanted might just be what you were always looking for.

Hannah and her sisters just left me with an urge as was quoted:


"And you're gonna believe in Jesus Christ? 
I know - sounds funny. But, I'm gonna give it a try. "

I am determined to find a faith - maybe a new Woodey Allen movie!

Bookmarks

Often when reading a book, we want to pause, sip on coffee or just ponder. Bookmarks were probably invented with a reason. I watch a movie. Then the intermission comes in drawing the part to a logical conclusion. Life is full of such pauses too. Important days - Birthdays, New Years, Anniversaries are all about pausing, breaking our life into parts. I guess these days just don't do it for me. Hence, I am off on a self imposed pause. Call it a vacation, a trip home or just a way to break away from a non-routine to find a way to come back to one.

I know the weeks ahead are full of a lot of pauses, bookmarks and events. Marriages/Birthdays and just re-unions or wasteful days. I have not yet unwound myself in its anticipation. I guess I will just go with the flow and see if I will get back to the book or pick it up years later to find I had left a book mark some time long ago and then flip back a few pages to start again.

Ordinary

I am ordinary...

I want to snuggle in bed when the clock strikes 9. Caffeine brings a rush in my brain that fights sleep for a few more inevitable hours. Music liberates my mind. I converse with several ordinary individuals believing I am leading an extra ordinary life. I connect and yet feel detached. I clean when I have nothing else to do and vent rage via excessive physical exhaustion. I dream of romance, I live reality with a smile. I am homeless. I am my own god - I create and I destroy. I water plants- sometimes in excess or sometimes too scarce. I starve in absolution, I run to re-affirm gravity exists. I write e-mails with typos and I read books to live  stories. I watch movies and cry, I often love the warmth just as much as I am oblivious to the cold. I worship creativity - caricature, musical, strange manifestations of an inner energy of the soul.


Yes I am ordinary, as ordinary as I can be...

Fear of existence and then not

Fears and apprehensions are just inexplicable. We hate not knowing and yet a known eventuality is worse. I have often battled my fears and sometimes just resigned. I woke up today in the dark. Scared, frantically searching for the sun or even the sign of some moon light. I was displaced in time and reality.

I know you will be gone some day
I know I will be too!
Would knowing when or how help?
I wanted to tell you, it isn't ignorance I fear
But truly knowing that I find hard dealing with.
You knew my moon and you know my sun too
It is amazing that you left behind yourself.
The dark side of the sun and the dark side of the moon

It will all come to an end with an epitaph reading - "I knew and yet I did not find the time to write it up! I just never wanted to!"